By Michael Lanza
“That sounds totally boring.” “Other parents don’t force their kids to do things they don’t want to do.” “I hate (fill in the activity).” If you’re a parent of a teenager, you’ve probably heard these responses from your child, or any of an infinite number of variations on them—like a personal favorite that one of my kids, at 14, laid on me: “You get to choose your friends, but you don’t get to choose your family.” If you’re trying to persuade a teen to get outdoors with you—which often entails pulling him or her away from an electronic screen—your child can summon powers of resistance that conjure mental images of Superman stopping a high-speed train.
My kids, now young adults, have taken far more backpacking trips and other outdoor adventures than they can remember, paddled whitewater rivers and waters from Alaska’s Glacier Bay to Florida’s Everglades and Idaho’s Middle Fork of the Salmon River, and skied and rock climbed since they were preschoolers—and they are still eager to take trips with my wife and me. Although we no longer encounter blowback to our plans to do something outdoors together, that certainly persisted well into their teen years. But as teens, our kids usually looked forward to our adventures. This story shares the reasons why.
Following up on my popular “10 Tips For Raising Outdoors-Loving Kids,” mostly intended for parents of younger children, the tips below summarize what I’ve learned from many outdoors adventures with increasingly independent young people—who happen to share my genetic makeup.
Like many stories at The Big Outside, part of this story requires a paid subscription to read: The first six tips below are free for anyone to read, but reading the rest—including tips I don’t think you’ll find from other sources—is an exclusive benefit for readers with a paid subscription to The Big Outside. If you’re already a subscriber, thank you for that, I appreciate it.
Click on any photo to read about that trip. Please share your thoughts on my advice or your own tips in the comments section at the bottom of this story. I try to respond to all comments.
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#1 Establish a Tradition
I took my son on our first father-son “Boy Trip” (the name he gave it), backpacking in Idaho’s Sawtooth Mountains, when he was six. My first father-daughter adventure (yup, our “Girl Trip”—her name) followed within a few years, and we have kept the tradition alive most years since.
Similarly, our family and another with kids close in age began taking an annual ski trip to a backcountry yurt when the children ranged in age from seven to four. The boy trip, girl trip, and yurt trip have become staples of our annual travel calendar, considered as sacrosanct as birthdays—and each involves days spent entirely disconnected in remote backcountry.
Ideally, start a regular tradition of an outdoors adventure when kids are fairly young—but your child is never too old to begin. With a teenager, you may need to up the excitement stakes, like climbing a big mountain together. Find whatever it is that excites everyone involved; it may be the same activity or destination every year, or something perennially different. There are no rules, except to make it strictly about spending a lot of quality time together.
Planning your next big adventure? See “America’s Top 10 Best Backpacking Trips”
and “The 25 Best National Park Dayhikes.”
#2 Encourage Their Interests
My wife and I introduced our children to dayhiking and backpacking, skiing, rock climbing, and paddling on easier rivers and protected bays, with the occasional, guided whitewater rafting adventure. Then our son, at age 12, decided on his own to take up whitewater kayaking. We sent him for several summers to a four-day whitewater kayaking camp near our home; through that instruction, and lots of practice on Idaho’s beautiful and fun rivers, he has developed into a competent boater.
Most importantly, he loves it and does it safely. But by encouraging his new interest, we not only gave him the freedom to embrace the outdoors in his way, we’ve also reaped the benefits of having someone in our family who expanded our horizons. Our family now does much more whitewater kayaking (our son in his hard-shell boat, the rest of us in inflatable kayaks), including rafting and kayaking one of the West’s classic wilderness rivers, Idaho’s Middle Fork of the Salmon.
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#3 Do Something Really Cool
On a two-family, spring break trip to southern Utah, the parents wanted to take some scenic dayhikes in places like Capitol Reef and Bryce Canyon national parks—which the four youths deemed “boring.”
But when the other dad and I took them on a three-hour, late-afternoon hike through the slot canyons Peek-a-Boo Gulch and Spooky Gulch in the Grand Staircase-Escalante National Monument, squeezing between wildly curved walls frequently closer than shoulder-width apart, all we heard from them was laughter and expressions of awe.
Some places and experiences are so fascinating and fun that even teens can’t find a reason to complain. It may require a little research, but surprise your teenager with activities and destinations that will excite him—or perhaps even better, ask your kid to help you research and plan your trip, finding those things that will excite them and getting him or her emotionally invested in the entire plan.
See my story about that hike and others, “Playing the Memory Game in Southern Utah’s Escalante, Capitol Reef, and Bryce Canyon.”
I can help you plan the best backpacking, hiking, or family adventure of your life.
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#4 Pick a Shared Goal
When I went to our then-15-year-old son with a proposal that he and I climb a technical route up the highest peak in the Lower 48 states, California’s 14,505-foot Mount Whitney, to raise money for an organization that introduces kids his age to the outdoors, he loved the idea and, months later, he and I made that climb together.
During my years as a field editor with Backpacker magazine, I participated in two of the first Summit For Someone fundraiser mountain climbs for Big City Mountaineers, a non-profit that takes underprivileged, urban teenagers on multi-day wilderness adventures. I believe strongly in the critical importance of BCM’s work in helping to ensure that the generation growing up today sustains America’s outdoors heritage.
Nate gleaned the importance of helping give opportunities like this to other young people while he and I pursued a big, shared goal together. (One ancillary benefit: Preparing for a rigorous, four-day snow climb up a big mountain helped motivate him to exercise regularly to train for it.)
Whether it’s a mountain climb or something else, find a shared goal that will challenge and excite you and your kid. You may both grow personally from it in ways that surprise you, while opening new doors in your relationship with your child.
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#5 Let Them Bring a Friend
When I invited my 17-year-old nephew, Marco, on what I knew would be an extremely difficult, 17-mile, 6,800-foot dayhike in the rugged Northern Presidential Range of New Hampshire’s White Mountains, he asked about bringing a friend. Marco had done a comparably hard dayhike in the Whites with me the year before, but I didn’t know anything about his friend except that they were soccer teammates. So I got on the phone with that boy’s father, told him about our plans in detail—partly because, as a parent, I’d want to know more about whoever was taking my kid on such a demanding adventure—and he told me why he thought his son would do fine.
Although it was a really tough, 15-hour day, ending by headlamps long after dark, all of the kids—including Nate, who was 14—did great and went home with a memorable war story to tell. But more importantly, they emerged from the experience eager for more.
Letting a teenage son or daughter invite a friend along has long been a staple parenting strategy. It’s no different for outdoor adventures—just a little trickier in that you want to make sure the friend is up to whatever challenges he or she will face.
Even better than finding the one friend who becomes the perfect adventure mate for your child is discovering an entire family that pairs well with your clan—parents and kids. That’s gold.
Take a great, family-friendly backpacking trip using my expert e-books.
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#6 Talk About the Outdoors
This tip may ring familiar to anyone who’s read my “10 Tips For Raising Outdoors-Loving Kids,” in which I advise parents to “Work Your P.R.” All that changes with older kids is how you talk about it. Put your enthusiasm about the outdoors on display. Don’t shove it down a kid’s throat, but when an opportunity presents itself—when your child looks interested—talk about what you love.
Show teens an inspirational online video (a medium they trust and connect with). When the Banff Mountain Film Festival Tour comes to our city every winter, showing dozens of the year’s prize-winning films about the outdoors, we take our kids, and we all go home jonesing for our next adventure.
Planning a backpacking trip? See “How to Plan a Backpacking Trip—12 Expert Tips”
and “10 Tips for Taking Kids on Their First Backpacking Trip.”
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See all stories about family adventures and my All Trips List at The Big Outside.
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Out of curiosity, what do your kids do on a typical day/weekend? Getting them out is more than just occasional hiking in cool remote locations.
Hi Jernej, very good question, and in many respects, my kids (now both young teens) are similar to many of their friends and peers: They spend much of their weekday and weekend time indoors, using their favorite electronic devices, often communicating or playing with their friends (remotely or in person). At their ages, of course, they want to do what their friends are doing. (But my kids also play soccer and participate in other organized activities.)
That’s where several of the above tips become very relevant, especially encouraging your kid to bring a friend–because if you get their friends interested, you have another force pulling your kid outdoors. I have many times taken my kids’ friends on our trips, and they’ve all had a great time. Once they recognize how much fun they can have outdoors, I find that my kids and their friends will organize their own local mountain bike rides, go skiing together, or kayaking, or to a local climbing gym.
It’s a constant challenge to get this generation of kids outdoors. I think the way to meet that challenge is to introduce them to activities that excite them at least as much as, or more than what they do indoors.
Thanks for the comment.
Great advice! We started when my youngest son was 8 (about the time you can really remember something) and picked a couple of National Parks a year, and the tradition has continued with both my sons even now in their 20s. The “doing something really cool” tip is important, as it can’t all be about hiking and scenic driving … e.g. taking the float trip down from Glen Canyon Dam to Lee’s Ferry in the Grand Canyon, always eating in a really good restaurant at least once per trip and reflecting on what they really liked or what they want to do next time, riding horses in Zion, hiking Half Dome or Cloud’s Rest in Yosemite, mountain biking or kayaking, or sharing park time with big city time, e.g. a baseball game in LA, SF, Seattle or Denver. Another thing to add would be allowing the kids to research and make suggestions about activities. There is more “buy in” when you have skin in the game during the planning process. Planning is extremely important – you want to have things “in the hopper” so you aren’t eating breakfast and the kids are saying, “Can we hang out at the pool?” Always have a list of more than you know you can do, so you have options based on weather conditions, opportunities that come up, etc … We are looking forward to our 2016 trip already!
Hi Bill, thanks for those good suggestions. Since they were very young, we have routinely asked our kids after a trip, “What was your favorite part of it?” It gives all of us an opportunity to think and talk more about some positive aspects of the experience, which I think helps nurture a positive, lasting memory of it.
Great addition Michael… We even went a little further to put together a post trip report each time, with everyone contributing the superlative categories, e.g. best hike, worst hike, what hike would you want to do next time, best waterfall, best meal, etc. and mom, dad, and each boy filling it in – It’s fun to revisit the list!
Excellent suggestion, Robert, thanks very much for sharing that.
These are great tips!
And if the parent isn’t particularly outdoors-oriented, consider sending the kids to a summer camp that is. Look specifically for a camp that offers a progression of trips that increase in difficulty. The kids will learn some great skills, and they’ll be surrounded by other outdoor-oriented kids thus making the outdoors the norm. You might have a hard time getting your child out of a sleeping bag (or into one), but when the child’s peers are all shouting, “hey, hurry up, you’ll miss breakfast,” well, nothing short of a drill sergeant is more motivational to a young person.
I speak from experience. Neither of my parents enjoyed the outdoors beyond the patio or hotel room, but they sent me to camp where I gained a whole new perspective. Since camping wasn’t our family norm, camping to me became almost an act of rebellion, and I’ve enjoyed it ever since. And, it’s something I’m passing along to my kids (both camp and camping with the family).
Hi Connie, I’m delighted to hear that, thanks for letting me know. I wish I could attend! If organizers would like to send me 2-3 questions via email before Friday, and read my responses aloud at the events, I’d be happy to do that. Please thank all of the attendees on my behalf for reading my book.
Your book, Before They’re Gone is being discussed by the River Prairie Group of the Sierra Club next Sunday January 24 and Tuesay January 26 at the Lombard and Warrenville public libraries in Illinois. Thanks so much for your insights and observations on getting into the wild.